burnt and crashed...

Its my first month of internship and i'm posted in the burns wards.. one of the most depressing places in the entire hospital...
Not because of what i have to see everyday,
not because of what i have to smell every minute,
not because of what i have to touch even if its with gloves,
not because i spent my Saturday evening burried under a blanket clearing my head n resting my back,
not because im gonna be spending my sunday morning washing a bucket full of clothes soiled with somebody else's blood...
(i'm sorry im having one of those gloomy times... pls bear with me if not move on to the next post..)
Its because of the stories u come to hear or be a part of in the process... the story of how each one of them enter the ward and the story of how they will leave it...

Someone like me who loves to tell stories n listen to them, these are the stories i hate...


I have 2 patients there i see twice a day,
One who got burnt saving her daughter from her brother-in-law.. my job is to make her walk, and OH MY GOD she needs some big time ass kissing for that but shes a darling :) .. i once joked about how she should eat from this one particular nurse cos that afternoon she miraculously walked 4 rounds voluntarily... and ever since she makes THAT nurse bring her food every single day.. :D So why was i stumped today when during my process of coaxing she flatly refused to walk n smiled at me with a twinkle in her eye n said "my son is taking me home u know and they will take care of me, i dont want treatment"? Was i sad she was going to leave... was i was sorry her family couldnt afford any more treatment..... was i upset cos i heard the doctor tell her son she will definitely not survive a week outside of this not-exactly-pleasant ward... was i just angry her son was bamboozling his mother??!?!

In Manipal when it rains.. it DOES pour..
The second one i treat is a maths and science teacher who has massive facial n upper body burns due to a kerosene stove bursting accident... when i first started treating her (about a ten days after her accident), her eyes were stuck shut n was bandaged all over for her skin grafts to heal.. we spoke, me in my usual gibber and she through her shut jaws... her dressings were removed and she opened her eyes this tuesday... she has a history of auditory hallucinations.. made me wonder if the non-hallucinating part of her brain thought i was one too until that moment when she saw me.. well but i was just glad she called me "Madam" all along (learn u assholes who call me 'sir' or 'Mr.Karnad' when i receive your phone calls! jerks!!)
Anyway i had never experienced being with her during her hallucinations until few days ago when she told me she wanted to take a break from treatment and that her father had come to see her, when i asked her if he is outside the ward she said he was right next to the door n she could hear him n wanted me to call him inside since her neck is immobilised in one position n couldnt turn her head to do so herself... Yeah i was freaked for a moment there but then i realised she wasn't crazy.... and trust me the psychiatry report says so too "she is not depressed... no complains of aggression... no treatment necessary".. i mean think about it, she was stuck on a bed in one position with her eyes shut n limbs bandaged n being fed thru tubes and all her sense organs cut off from stimulus except her ears and all she heard was the sound of her monitor alarm beeping, doctors asking her questions she wasn't expected to answer ("u took medicines last night?".... like duh... u employ nurses to shove medicines into my tubes 24X7 n u expect me to not "take em".. what am i to do, distract them by deviously peeing into a bag! pea brain!................is probably what shes thinking) , nurses (and me at times...) chattering and people (like me again) giving her commands she has no choice but to obey cos i'm "assisting" her (Active Assisted Exercises always reminded me of dad... those times when he gave me the "will u do it or should i make you do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" growl... hey i got it very rarely okay now don't judge already!).... I mean kids have imaginary friends which are created to help them cope with stuff (i'm sure we all had one.. i had 2, at the same time, but lets not go there now, may be in another blog) so i can perfectly understand her hearing her father, she was lonely, the sounds were not enough for her active brain so since she couldnt see her imaginary friend she just heard him (i think its nice she brought her dad to help her through it all)... I've spoken to her, and she is as normal as you and me.. but ya anyway..

Today she stood for the first time.. not all by herself, there were 3 of us holding her erect while she whined about wanting to sleep... and after i promised her we will do no harm n when that din't work finally had to emotionally poke her by reminding her that we were there to help her n would never want her hurt.. it worked.. she finally made an attempt to stand.. was not much but i felt it..... and it felt awesome! Next thing i know the nurse walks in and says "oh don't bother...she is getting discharged on monday" :O :O

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... why do people spend lakhs on operations n waste it by not letting them work... WHY ARE THE NEEDY (almost) ALWAYS POOR!!!!!!!!??!?!?!?!?!!!! AAARGHHH!!!