Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Toad Rripp!!

My first Diwali in UK, yea we made plans of making it as homely as possible.. but then last minute a Road Trip plan sprung on me... now what is an adventure crazy chick to do?? esp in a country where getting decent atta is like asking your alcoholic pal for his liver... he will give it to you, but it aint gonna do much good now will it??!!?!??!!!?!

DAY 1:
we decide we'd go to Manchester to the Old Trafford (yayyyyyyyyyyy!!). As usual we leave an hour late..

I WAS THINKING: if road trips always start late why do people decide on a time... or rather why not be smart n decide on a time which is 2 hrs before the actual time n Cheat The Code :P

Anyway so we kept the tradition goin.. Btw Old Traffy, MAJESTIC!! Im not much of a ManU fan, i mean they're good, no doubt.. but i think its those "ManU rox EVERYTHING else suX" attitude most have that kills it for me, i say .. Im more of a Liverpool *coughs Torres* fan. ;) (its a shame hes gotten an Ab injury, he needs a physiotherapist.. im comin!). Anyway like i was saying, Old Trafford, B-E-A-U-tiful... people who dont watch footy, will start to... people who dont like the colour red, will start to. I rubbed ass with the players, was sitting in their seats in their dressing room 24 hrs before ManU butchered Bolton :P.
Next on the list was York... sadly the York Minister (one of the greatest cathedrals in the world) closed half hr b4 we got there.. pretty town though.
Then was Hull which has The Deep, an under ocean aquarium.. im an animal person, unless its lizards (my brain says "they're NOT animals.. they're friggin enter-ur-nostrils-n-feast-on-ur-gooey-brain-matter sorta aliens!" *shudder*). So we feed our TomTom n WHOOSH through the traffic...

I WAS THINKING: Women say "Men Dont Listen!"
Men Say "Women can't read Maps!"
n YET..phir bhi!.. the TomTommyz have a woman giving men directions :S And and and..they even listen to them! Of course sometimes u land up in a dense forest n it says "YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION" :D :D..
I say to the Men.. "SUCKERS!!!" :P :D :D :D
I say to the women, next time your man doesn listen..sound robotic.. if men start to act strange, we can beat them at that too ;)

We get there few minutes before they sell the last ticket :(..
we, and by "we" i mean a friend who came just to see only THIS, pleaded to the lady selling tickets but turns out they make puppy'ier-dog-eyes.
Drive back to Sheffield, next day was LONDON.. we decide we'd leave at 6 so we get there by 10.

DAY 2:
Groovy's alarm buzzes at 5.. we were done packing until late night so decide we'd reward ourselves with 15 mins of comfort. In a bit one of the guys we were goin with calls n the mintue i open my eyes i know its not 5:15.. its 7! luckily they were late themselves :D.. so we leave for London around 8ish.. Drive there i dont remember much.. i was catching up on lost sleep. Lotsa shit happens when one sleeps.
And then we reach London...

I WAS THINKNG: In Hollywood movies when India is portrayed, people are clad in dhotis, turbans wearing material to dress an entire metropolitan city, which btw is not happening. I assumed that would be the case in London as well, but weirdly i did see quite a few who looked like they were thrown outta Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol. I was almost certain one of them will start a melody on the streets.

We decide on going to Greenwich (at World's End). Nice place.. saw the GW Meridian, got one of those cliche pics with one foot on either side of the hemisphere (even my dad has one of those during his touring times). We wanted to go to the planetarium to feel antigravity (cool eh?) but dint happen.

FACTS N FIGURES: i have a thing for astronomy (wanted to be an astronomer at one point.. and no i was not 8, i was 16). I even have a favorite star..... Rigel (its an actual star, no shit).

Next we sat in the car... drove around Trafalgar square.. watched Humans being brave around stone Lions not letting me get a click of jus the Lion solo. Then went to Buckingham Palace, saw it, the Palace as such dint impress me much.. took pics anyway.. Went to the Diana Memorial walk.. Basically had a good evening.
Then we wanted to go visit the Swami Narayan temple, traffic in London is terrible i must say. Plus a road was blocked so reaching there took a while. Missed the main prayer, but reached before everything was over. Thats when it struck me... that i hadn seen these many Indians of varied ages in a while.
When i was there, engulfed by a non-destructive tsunami of Indianess, i strangely felt like they all looked familiar. Like i know them all from somewhere. A Friend's friend, Aunt's neighbour, The nurse who worked in the Neurology ward, The man who sold vada pavs opposite my hospital... they were all there!!!

I WAS THINKING: Thank god im not Chinese... in a situation like this one, they would all look familiar AND similar.. i'd go nuts!!!!

But must say, we saw some real HOT men there... some even smiled at me. I was wondering if it was the "how u doin'?" smile or the u-stand-out-in-the-crowd-for-your-tee-and-jeans-and-london's-grime-on-you smile. In my defense, Mr.God doesn care-what i wear-atleast i'm there... [@Mr.God: ain't that rite maaaan? ;) ].

Finally we left, turned out the gang lived in 3 different corners of London, Me n Groovy were to go to Hounslow Central.. the guys came with us even thought all 4 of us had no clue where we were goin we took the information desk guy's directions n set out to find the Park Royal Underground to catch our respective Tubes.

I was to live with a childhood friend who was in London doing his postgrad in hotel management. Now the thing is ive known him ever since i remember existing, and since then i've always used his nickname.. so when he let me and Groovy stay in his house it suddenly struck me that i dint know his actual name for sure to introduce him to Ruhy. Thankfully some people on orkut do have their Real names on their profile instead of "moods"...
Anyway after i met him that night and we were walking towards his house did he tell me he lived with 6 others. I hypothetically looked up at my Omnipresent Ass and hypothetically said "why??? why do u first surround me with hot men... and then let me stay in a house filled with Hotel Management boys on the one day that i know for a fact i look like shit!! WHYYYYYY???!?!". But if i know my Omnipresent Ass well, he is like me, he needs his dose of kicks. :P

DAY 3:
Today was Madame Tussaud's day. well it was amazing... u just have to be on my facebook going through my album for this one :D... loved every bit of it! But not something anybody can do twice for a while... Next was Lord's cricket stadium. Not a fan of cricket, but our guide told the funniest stories in the best possible way...and where there are stories to be heard i will be there! He told us all about how the term Ashes was coined from a reporters random joke and how it stuck on for this long. Took us to the player's dressing room, the spot where Gangully took of his shirt n waved to the crowd was one all talked about. Then drove to the Stonehenge which we got to see under the stars... its jus a sexy way of saying 'IT WAS CLOSED FOR THE DAY' so we had to see it from outside the fence where a gaurd who (and i quote) "is freezing his gonads" stood there to chat with us... :P Amidst all of this was a BIG argument about whether Hindi was a language all Indians must learn the basics of in school, Dont ask HOW it started (lets not go there)... ask WHERE it started.. At McDs when we were sitting on the table right next to the counter... im SO sure people were wondering why we were talking "unity in diversity" and "hindustan" in UK... This continued on our way back, and it was one of those times when the best thing to do would be to plug in your earphones and listen to the loudest songs you have and not interfere...
We reach home at midnight. Groovy and Me with my 6 dwarfs; Jumpy, Grimy, Drowsy, Hungry, Achy and Chilly. But Jumpy was the fittest, so managed to upload pics from our cams into our lappys n skim through them until the 7th missing dwarf joined us, Blurry.

Next thing i remember is being buried inside my quilt trying to silence the whiny sounds my tummy made at 8 am.

"Happy Diwali woman!!" i told myself.. Time to put up the stuff i'd bought at London... My GREEN DAY poster! :P [see the roll in my bag in the pic... whatd u think it was? an "I LOVE LONDON" banner??? nahhhhhh ;) ]

Friday, October 2, 2009

underneath your clothes... theres an endless story.

some Lid Opener eh? ;) :P :)

I shuld suggest this to my statistics professor.

This ones about Laundry rooms...

Back in Manipal, my hostel of a thousand or more women, were granted an incomplete room (had 3 walls only) with 8 washing machines… 1 of which washed but dint spin, 5 would soak and not wash, the remaining 2 had soggy papers stuck on them with “OUT OF ORDER” scribbled in washed out ink (“O.t O. O.d..” is more like it).. I guess I shouldn’t complain considering the boy’s hostels dint even get that…Although some guys hit the jackpot n found girlfriends who brought their clothes back into the girls hostels and washed them for ‘their Men’… I always said they were IDIOTS! And they always said I was single. Sure I’m not a Hopeless romantic... I’m the Hopeful one... I cling on to the hope that someday there shall be a jerk who has access to his own laundry room…. and can cook… and is smart…tall, just-right-dark and just-right-handsome… and witty… and…. not in my imagination. :P I cling onto it for life!! :D

For now, back to the Laundry rooms of Phoenix Courts..

Okay so here we have a room dedicated to washing clothes... 2 washing machines that work from soak to spin. 2 dryers that DO dry so my room wouldn look like a WestSide clearance sale scene. We even have 2 very comfy couches in there which I’m scheming with flatmates to smuggle into our rooms… its just the CCTVs that need bribing… and Osama, our Arab security guard.

So yesterday I realize I have no clothes left for tomorrow.. partly cos I hardly brought any, the pressure cooker ate up my baggage allowance and partly cos it had been over a week since we did the laundry. Turns out my flatmates were in the same boat. So we fill 4 huge bags with clothes and I stumble down first to get the room empty, making people I meet along the way feel sorry n open doors for me…. My flatmates come down with the rest of the bags and a 5 pound note hoping to ask Osama for coins..

LOOKING FOR COINS: We, Indians, have no value for coins… A 10 rupee note is one’s wallet is more appealing that ten coins of 1 rupee and no notes. Here I continue to remind myself that “1 pound is not 1 Rupee”… especially in places like Poundland and the 99 pence stores :D. “Chillar” has Value!!

Now Osama is Missing. We ask a lady who was waiting for the luck. We bang the 1st 2 rooms in the hall n nobodys home. I finally tell my flatmate, (lets call her) Groovy, that going to the closest shop to get change made more sense…

So me, in my track pants n tee and an oversized jacket, and my other flatmate, (lets call her) Skinny, step out into the chill that kills. Enter the store around the corner owned by an Indian or Pakistani (we look the same) which btw resembles the ones that are shown getting mugged in Hollywood movies..He dint have 5 pounds in coins. So we cross the street to a clothing and accessory shop for punks. Skinny wonders if we should go in.. I dint wanna walk any further in my attire n the shop seemed empty so I suggest it’s worth a shot. We walk in and there are 2 guys in there. I walk to the one at the counter n ask him for change for 5 pounds..

“Sure.. whadya need it for luv? Car park??”

“no….. *grin*laundry”

“Aaaah! Haha! here you go dah’ling’” J

“Thanx..cya!” J

‘wow he actually thought WE owned cars’ is what I was thinking… ‘did u HAVE to say laundry’ was what Skinny was thinking.. But at that moment Laundry seemed an unexpected hence interesting reply.

MR. METALLICA: Back in the Laundry we realize we’ve accumulated 4 loads of clothes to wash... luckily we came well equipped with ipods, water n novels… Skinny had a tube of Pringles tucked under her arm too (damn how DO they still stay skinny??!?!). We plonk ourselves in comfy bad postures that do to us what Global Warming is doing to the Poles, according to our Physiotherapy books at least (but they’re so comfy..Blah!)..

After about an hour n half, our washes are done and but the dryers were filled with somebody else’s dry clothes.. I notice an empty laundry basket at the corner of the room so I take the clothes from inside both the dryers n stuff them into the basket... Did fantasize about guys ‘CK boxers in Laundry rooms’, but it was nothing like reality at that moment. In about 15 minutes a woman and a man, both with pierced nose bridges, walked in. I repeat “NOTHING like reality”. Groovy said we needed to use the dryer… Mr and Ms Metallica thanked a Pringle-munching-Skinny, carried their basket and went on.

Meet JOE BLACK: After a while another guy, “Joe Black”, walked in with his bag of clothes.. he put his stuff into the washing machine we’d jus used. He was new too, we could tell by the way he kept looking back for our approval just before he pushed any button… like he was scared he’d press the wrong one and the machine would vomit his clothes out on him. :D

A second guy walks in just then.. looks at Dryer 2, mumbles something to Mr. Clean and walks out. A little later we realized his clothes were in Dryer 2 which I had stuffed into Mr. Metallica’s laundry basket assuming it was from the same flat. I wondered what the Metallica would have to say when he’d find another man’s boxers in his and his girlfriend’s clothes!!

Muha-muha-muhahaha!! :D It felt like Valentine’s Day in Manipal when for kicks I’d interchange love notes from bouquets delivered at the reception… usually the largest with the smallest. Only here I did it unintentionally with washed boxers... got my dose of cheap thrill none-the-less.

Finally the dryer, that im sure in a few days will be responsible for messing with the Tectonic plates of the Earth, did what I paid it 1 pound to do…

5 hours had passed, 4 washes were done, 3 men met, 2 boxers interchanged, all in 1 room… with half roll of Pringles eaten and Quarter novel read………..