back home.

my house has clocks now.. never had clocks before, the one we had went bad n nobody ever bothered shopping for a new one.. UNTIL sometime in the last 10 mnths, and now we have clockS! and one of them rings n sings EVERY 15 MINUTES!!! do u know what that can do to a person with jetlag?!

random jabber 2

Am on mission....

Mission: MAKE-ROOM-TIDY...

yea i know what u're thinking u prick, but before KEEP comes MAKE, geez stop critically analysing my post. :P

Anyway.. Saw too many shoes lying around...

"ah this needs to get sorted" i said...

"Why?" u ask??...

well since u asked, i shall explain,

It is a known fact that.....
Me foot = big
big foot = big shoe = large area covered
'x' pairs of shoes = (x * 2 * area of foot)... Let this variable be called 'y'
(Area of room - y) = (Free space in moi room)

To increase the (Free Space in moi room)... 'y' must be decreased (cos Area of the room is a constant)

To decrease 'y' one must
a) reduce area of the foot.... can't chop my foot off so PLAN A is shit.
b) decrease 'x'..... cant throw my shoes away.. thats just inhumane... so PLAN B is shite as well.

So bought a shoe rack the other day...

Walked to the market after a whole day of university...

Spent some time with Groovy (for ppl new to my blog... shes my house mate) putting it together...bless my landlord for leaving his toolbox here...

Has come to the conclusion, shoes were not the biggest of issues.

Well... some geeky old man said "every failure is a step closer to success".

A sharp retort from another geeky old man, who said "success is not the key to happiness".

This post concludes:
My room is still a mess. :(
Algebra does not solve all problems.... neither do shoe racks. :S
but atleast i am happy. :)

Me, He and Sex Education.

So im working in Barnsley right... knocking on doors... making the people of Barnsley fall in love with the Charming Me...
Half a day is gone n its been a standard one so far. Fidgeting with my map (cos i think im lost) trying to get on Queen's road or street or lane or something, i find a tiny voice go "Heya Sexy!". A little shocked i turn around to find an about-5 year old boy with an about-5 year old girl and an about-9 year old boy behind me. To make it simpler lets call them Brad, Pam and Paul respectively. So, i turn aroung to see a freckled Brad giving me a cheeky smile and Pam and Paul sniggering.

Me: Hi... you do know im old enough to be your aunt right?
Pam: hehe Paul *pointing to the taller of the 2 boys* had sex education in school today and told Brad things.
Me (thinking): oh no, i hate kids at this age! Like i haven't dodged enough kid cousins asking me awkward questions during the worst times.
Brad: i have a willy, what do you have?
Me: :O :O aaaaaaaaaaaaa... *looking at my hand* a map.
Brad: what else?
Me: a bag
Brad: what else?
Me: a pen.
Brad: Nooooooooooooo! what else? if u don't tell me i'll bother you all day.
Paul: he will...
Pam: why are u knocking on doors with a pen?
Me: *glad the topic changed* cos my knuckles were hurt doing the job during winter. Gave me scars. So i use the pen now.
Pam: can i work with you. Ill knock on doors for you.
Brad: Do you have a boyfriend??

its amazing how kids can jump from one topic of discussion to a whole different one so easily.

Me: aaaaaaaa no.
Brad: whats your name?
Me: aaaaaa Jane. (din't want them screaming my actual name and 'Willy' in the same sentence on the street now did i)
Brad: do you have a brother?
Me: yes.
Brad: is he the same colour as u?
Me: yes
Brad, Pam: ooohhhhhh..
Brad: can i be the same colour as you?
Me: no
Brad, Pam: oooohhhhh..
Brad: will u marry me?
Me: ok.
Brad: then will he be the same colour as you
Me: no
Brad, Pam: ooohhhhh....

Meanwhile i enter a house... takes me a while to get it done with. When im out i see Brad with a twig of tiny purple flowers from the side of the street. He hands it to me.

Me: awww thank you. Don't you kids have to go do homework?
Pam: no... we don't have any today.

By then a few more kids join us so there i am knocking on doors with 5 kids behind me. Was quite an icebreaker.
"hey there.. nuthin serious. Im not the Pied Piper... just wondering if u're..............."

One of the other kids: Have you come to my house??
Me: probably.
Another one: and mine??
Me: i think so.
Paul (to the new kids): dont follow us. We're helping her work. You cant work with us!

Im in house 2. when im out i see Pam with a big mark on her cheek.
Me: what happned?
Pam: she beat me. so i beat her.
Me: thats not very nice now is it.
Brad: *chucking tiny stones at me*
Me: see now i don't want to marry you anymore
Paul, Pam giggle.
Brad: you really marry me?
Me: not if u throw stones at me.
Brad: can i sit at home after we're married? school smells funny.

*cellphone buzzes* its my colleague telling me hes coming to pick me up to drive back to sheffield. Work for the day is done. time to go home.

Pam: who was that?
Me: my friend. He is coming to pick me up at the end of the street to drive me home.
Brad: is he your boyfriend?
Me: no.
Brad: can i come home with you?
Me: NO! :O
Brad: are you coming back tomorrow?
Me: May be.
Pam: can we walk with you to the next street.
Me: sure.
Brad: *snatches my book* i want to see it
Me: oh no thats my work book.
Brad: i wont do anything. i just want to draw till your friend comes. i promise!
Me: alright... just dont write anything about Willlies. My boss wouldn really like it :)
Brad: hehehe okay. you STILL haven't told me what you have?
Me: i have your purple flowers. :)

The car comes. My colleague and Brad have a man-to-man chat. The kids steal his can of coke from the car n the rest of them hang on to it so we cant drive. After about ten minutes of wrestling we manage to drive away with them racing behind the car. All the way to Sheffield we laugh about the weird things that happen on the job.

Back in the office i open my book to check my guages and this is what i find.



and thats why... i love my job.

Random jabber.

On a very lethargic Wednesday evening i started watching Finding Forrester (its a movie, for those who haven heard of it)... I vaguely remember watching it a long time ago, liked it even then.. but its one of those movies that i would like more the 2nd time, cos i'd absorb and appreciate it better (Dark Knight is another one of those movies).
P.S i watch most movies with a freakishly tiny window into my brain sometimes.

Anyway the movie is about an Afro-american teen writing prodigy who finds a mentor in a withdrawn writer. I would agree it leans towards Good Will Hunting and The Scent of a Woman a little bit. But it has a charm of it own. Or may be its just Sean Connery *wink wink* (yes i, like any other normal woman in her 20s, have a thing for older men.. Sean Connery, Gregory Peck and Robert Redford are some of them. But i learnt at an early age it only gives u a big boo-boo in the lub-dub, so much for time heals all wounds huh? Mr.Time, its your fault Gregory Peck was a grandfather by the time my hormones kicked in!)

"Losing family obliges us to find our family.
Not always the family that is our blood
But family that can become our blood."

This was one of the dialogues from the movie that got my attention.

I moved out of home when i was 17 for university. I still wonder if it was a wise decision. Some times i think it was, because it has made me much more confident than i was as a timid 16 year old, taught me lessons i would never have learnt protected at home, lessons that help me maintain my attitude towards life. Then there are days when i think it wasn such a good idea, its made me so independent that being home makes me feel a little claustrophobic and underestimated for an adult. It does not mean that i don't love being home and am not counting days for that super-long flight back home (YAYYYYYY!!!) in about 2 months.

I often end up in long conversations with the local people here when at work... usually about me (The general rule is to talk about THEM but i KNOW for a fact i've got better stories about ME to tell than talking about their dog). The people almost everytime ask me if being so far away from family feels scary. Truthfully, YES it does. It feels SO scary that i don't look at the wallpaper at my workplace cos it has world maps tiled on it showing me in print how far away i actually am. Its a gory reminder that going back in not an option on days that i need a hug from Mom n Dad and a punch on the shoulder from my brother. On those days, you just have to take a deep chilly breath and fill that void with chocolate or go to sleep.

Good thing, life has turned out surprisingly well. Im happy, and not because im constantly telling myself 'to be happy'. I have an amazing bunch of friends at home, university and work. Im lovin the place and the people that surround me, love the course im doing, the job, the house im in and if the people here were introduced to Garam Masala im sure i'd love the food as well.

I dont miss Bangalore much, as a city, the two of us have always had bad chemistry... since when i was 8 and moved there... stayed on even when i was 21 and came back after graduating. If it wasn HOME, id probably never go back. What i've been talking about all along here is Family... turned out i tend to make a new family wherever i go to make up for the ones i left behind.

Of course it need not be said that nothing can replace the Karnads ;) (and the Benegals and the Nagarkars and the Murus and the Hemmadys............. and the rest of my unimaginably humungous family)

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay im going home in (about) 80 days!!

"Get Busy".....MISHEARD Lyrics

Shake that thing miss.. can i can i?
Shake that thing miss.. hand a bell'a
Shake that thing ya'l.. done a corner?
Shoot addict and rob his car.

You man! Get Busy,
For your share of booty and
Stop on the beach but
Josh keeps takin it.

Get Jiggy,
Get drunk on pumpkin, it
anything u want by car,
he'l parcel it in his buttock.

Get bitchy..
move a seal and get shark,
and hit him on the ride
n live with half a body.

reached sex city..
here nobody jerkin ya
u're lookin all around for your...destiny.

Yo sexy lady..swap power with us
trade cow with us
in a war with us.

Meet at a club, come on flex with us
Keep legs with us and wax it off.

SOMEONE THREW A BOMB, IGNITE A FLAME..
YELL OR CALL MY NAME..
NEED AN IBUPROFEN!!

Pizza vodka turn me on,
till the early morn..lets get it on
Lets get it on..till the early morn..cos
pizza vodka turn me on

Girl dont sweat it,
dont get agitated
war wont take our..anything u want

you know, you must get it
Tummy gave a mean shout
That dont ease the tension.
I want some naan..

Jus swampin' it
Go on, up a good town,
ya'l free her cruel mind
from a body like this

Man she wanted it
ya you are the NUMBER ONE
I dont give a darn
this shit is real fine

Yo sexy lady..swap power with us
trade cow with us
in a war with us.

Meet at a club, come on flex with us
Keep legs with us and wax it off.

SOMEONE THREW A BOMB, IGNITE A FLAME..
YELL OR CALL MY NAME..
NEED AN IBUPROFEN!!

Pizza vodka turn me on,
till the early morn..lets get it on
Lets get it on..till the early morn..cos
pizza vodka turn me on

You man! Get Busy,
For your share of booty and
Stop on the beach but
Josh keeps takin it.

Get Jiggy,
Get drunk on pumpkin, it
anything u want by car,
he'l parcel it in his buttock.

Get bitchy..
move a seal and get shark,
and hit him in the ride
n live with half a body.

reached sex city..
here nobody jerkin ya
u're lookin all around for your...destiny.

Yo sexy lady..swap power with us
trade cow with us
in a war with us.

Meet at a club, come on flex with us
Keep legs with us and wax it off.

SOMEONE THREW A BOMB, IGNITE A FLAME..
YELL OR CALL MY NAME..
NEED AN IBUPROFEN!!

Pizza vodka turn me on,
till the early morn..lets get it on
Lets get it on..till the early morn..cos
pizza vodka turn me on.

Shake that thing miss.. can i can i?
Shake that thing yo.. hand a bell'a
Shake that thing miss.. done a corner?
Ya'l missed a thing so cudn rob his car.

Shake that thing yo.. you're a goner
Shake that thing yo.. hand a bell'a
Shake that thing miss.. can i can i?
(yo and vomit this away!)

[Yo sexy lady..swap power with us
trade cow with us
in a war with us.

Meet at a club, come on flex with us
Keep legs with us and wax it off.

SOMEONE THREW A BOMB, IGNITE A FLAME..
YELL OR CALL MY NAME..
NEED AN IBUPROFEN!!

Pizza vodka turn me on,
till the early morn..lets get it on
Lets get it on..till the early morn..cos
pizza vodka turn me on.]......................... @

[REPEAT @ N PASS OUT]

~~~~THE END~~~~

I would like to thank my 'partner in crime' roomate for pitchin in occasionally.. cudn have done it without u. :) xx

Bright lil fella aren u, sunshine?

The 5 year old Me planned on being truthful 'all my life' until mommy said "BE NICE!".......................

helllllllooooo SARCASM!

...THE NEXT BEST THING TO (the) NAKED (truth).

you say Tomato.. i say Tomahto

The biggest problem every Indian is facing in the UK (and probably elsewhere) is.........



"HOW DO WE PRONOUNCE AVATAR!!?!??!?!?!...."

We say its Ava-taaar..... They say Av-tar.
We say its a Sanskrit word dumbasses!
They say its a James Cameron movie..

*humph*

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange'yu happy to see me again??? ;)

Ok faiiii-ne! i know that was a sad one but u got to have smiled atleast... if u dint, im glad this is a single sided conversation.... anyway what i was i talkin about?.. see its cos of u i side track! sheesh... side track even before i started a blog... i get worse with each one!

RECAP: u know i am a physiotherapist.... who moved to a country where money is 80 times more expensive.. obviously i would eventually need a part-time job. Back in India i thought i'd probably work at McDs or KFC or Costa coffee... but i never ever.. never-ever-ever-ever...NEVER thought i'd find myself in a marketing firm doing door-to-door sales. If you are an Indian... i guarantee you that you thought to yourself "OMG! thats a sad job".. i don't blame you, according to most Indians being a student tossing burgers in McDs is better than knocking on doors selling stuff (just for the record: I DONT SELL.. I REGISTER N SAVE YOUR MONEY!)
I have been there on the other side of the door saying: "Uncle...Mummy ghar pe nahi hai (Mum isn home)" while my mum noisily grinds chutney on the blender 8 feet from the door. But now i know better.

People wonder why i love this job? Simple... I get to meet the whackiest people Britan has to offer (TRUST ME this place has loads!). Ive made a whole new bunch of amazing friends at work. I make shit loads of moolah when i do work my ass off. and last but not the least... i still love the smell of fried chicken and will never get sick of it!

If you know me well enough you shouldve guessed what this post is all about...... obviously the WHACKY BRITS! dude...come on!

I work for a broadband company which give free calls and broadband to people all day long. All i have to do is register them a line and let them know that they need not pay for calls and BB anymore.

But then again.. would you believe a strange Indian girl who tells you that at the door? hmmm... I'll let you find out if u have an active landline in UK and are still being charged. ;)

So the people i meet i categorise in 4 basic categories:
a) G.I.B (Genie In a Bottle):
knocking on their doors is like rubbing a Genie's bottle. "what can i do for u? free broadband??!?!?! register now? ok...would you like my soul as well? ah now dont be shy darlin"..........
i love them!

b) Sam-I-Am:
~~~~"i do not like green eggs and ham, i do not like them sam-i-am"~~~~
These guys dont even bother listening to you. They may open the door and you could say "hey there im just here to offer you a steamy piece of Megan Fox" and they'd say "oh no luv im not interested"... ya'ha right!
They remind me of my mum during her occassional afternoon naps.
"Ma are you sleeping?"
"hmmm"
"are you getting up??"
"hmmm"
"can i go out n play??"
"hmmm".......................... (if only i was an ambitious 5 yr old)

c) Major Payne:
They're the sorts who ask you every single question in and out of the book! a tiny part of them wants what you have to give really really bad... but hmm 'come come kiss my bum' is what theyre saying. Its strange.. cos when you dont 'kiss their bum' its easier to get through to them :D They're like a rebellious teenager trapped in a grumpy adult body. :)

d) Spouse-trap:
They're the kinds who wouldn scratch an itch without asking the wife/husband just incase the spouse explodes due to the change in atmospheric pressure. they give me the mixed feelings. A part of me says "awwww poor you", a bigger part of me (that is not visible to the naked eye) points a finger at them n laughs out loud (also not audible to the naked ear).
Ive been thrown outta a few homes by the wives who enter to see me chatting with their husbands who're usually not Brad Pitts. The only people smiling at the end of the outburst are the husband (cos he finds a reason to call his wife crazy when he apologizes), me (cos im thinking 'really? if i HAD to sin id choose ur husband??? u really think i would?? YOUR husband??') :D :D :D

Some of my top 3 conversations so far have been:

CONVO 1:
Mr.X: yea i already get the free service.
Me: oh great... could you give me your name so i can take you off our list?
Mr X: yea sure its Mr. Clark.
Mrs X: DANIELLLLL!!!! DONT GIVE HER YOUR NAMEEEE!!!!
Me: *tellling myself* "donot laugh... DONOT laugh"
Mr. Daniel Clark: :)
Me: :) I'm Priyanka. dont worry... im a good person ;)
Mr. Daniel Clark: i know dear. :) Have a good day.
Priyanka: you too. see ya!


CONVO 2:
Me: KNOCK KNOCK!
Mr Y: *opens door* *looks scared* yea?
Me: Hey, nothing serious... jus checking to see if u get free calls n bb.
Mr.Y: oh.. im sorry.. people at the door scare me. And dont get me wrong but you do look like Osama Bin Laden. nothing personal.
Me: :D :D strange cos when u opened the door i thought u looked like George Bush. nothing personal. *walk off*


CONVO 3:
Me: KNOCK KNOCK!
Mr. Z: *opens door* *is not wearing pants* What can i do for you luv?
Me: *maintaining eye contact* :) sorry wrong door.

K.I.S.S ing

Dear God,
i am "KeepING It Short and Simple"
Either you come down here and fix my heater with your divine hocus-pocus right now, or I come up there! whether u like it..or not!
xx
Lotsa Love,
Me.