Bright lil fella aren u, sunshine?

The 5 year old Me planned on being truthful 'all my life' until mommy said "BE NICE!".......................

helllllllooooo SARCASM!

...THE NEXT BEST THING TO (the) NAKED (truth).

you say Tomato.. i say Tomahto

The biggest problem every Indian is facing in the UK (and probably elsewhere) is.........



"HOW DO WE PRONOUNCE AVATAR!!?!??!?!?!...."

We say its Ava-taaar..... They say Av-tar.
We say its a Sanskrit word dumbasses!
They say its a James Cameron movie..

*humph*

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange'yu happy to see me again??? ;)

Ok faiiii-ne! i know that was a sad one but u got to have smiled atleast... if u dint, im glad this is a single sided conversation.... anyway what i was i talkin about?.. see its cos of u i side track! sheesh... side track even before i started a blog... i get worse with each one!

RECAP: u know i am a physiotherapist.... who moved to a country where money is 80 times more expensive.. obviously i would eventually need a part-time job. Back in India i thought i'd probably work at McDs or KFC or Costa coffee... but i never ever.. never-ever-ever-ever...NEVER thought i'd find myself in a marketing firm doing door-to-door sales. If you are an Indian... i guarantee you that you thought to yourself "OMG! thats a sad job".. i don't blame you, according to most Indians being a student tossing burgers in McDs is better than knocking on doors selling stuff (just for the record: I DONT SELL.. I REGISTER N SAVE YOUR MONEY!)
I have been there on the other side of the door saying: "Uncle...Mummy ghar pe nahi hai (Mum isn home)" while my mum noisily grinds chutney on the blender 8 feet from the door. But now i know better.

People wonder why i love this job? Simple... I get to meet the whackiest people Britan has to offer (TRUST ME this place has loads!). Ive made a whole new bunch of amazing friends at work. I make shit loads of moolah when i do work my ass off. and last but not the least... i still love the smell of fried chicken and will never get sick of it!

If you know me well enough you shouldve guessed what this post is all about...... obviously the WHACKY BRITS! dude...come on!

I work for a broadband company which give free calls and broadband to people all day long. All i have to do is register them a line and let them know that they need not pay for calls and BB anymore.

But then again.. would you believe a strange Indian girl who tells you that at the door? hmmm... I'll let you find out if u have an active landline in UK and are still being charged. ;)

So the people i meet i categorise in 4 basic categories:
a) G.I.B (Genie In a Bottle):
knocking on their doors is like rubbing a Genie's bottle. "what can i do for u? free broadband??!?!?! register now? ok...would you like my soul as well? ah now dont be shy darlin"..........
i love them!

b) Sam-I-Am:
~~~~"i do not like green eggs and ham, i do not like them sam-i-am"~~~~
These guys dont even bother listening to you. They may open the door and you could say "hey there im just here to offer you a steamy piece of Megan Fox" and they'd say "oh no luv im not interested"... ya'ha right!
They remind me of my mum during her occassional afternoon naps.
"Ma are you sleeping?"
"hmmm"
"are you getting up??"
"hmmm"
"can i go out n play??"
"hmmm".......................... (if only i was an ambitious 5 yr old)

c) Major Payne:
They're the sorts who ask you every single question in and out of the book! a tiny part of them wants what you have to give really really bad... but hmm 'come come kiss my bum' is what theyre saying. Its strange.. cos when you dont 'kiss their bum' its easier to get through to them :D They're like a rebellious teenager trapped in a grumpy adult body. :)

d) Spouse-trap:
They're the kinds who wouldn scratch an itch without asking the wife/husband just incase the spouse explodes due to the change in atmospheric pressure. they give me the mixed feelings. A part of me says "awwww poor you", a bigger part of me (that is not visible to the naked eye) points a finger at them n laughs out loud (also not audible to the naked ear).
Ive been thrown outta a few homes by the wives who enter to see me chatting with their husbands who're usually not Brad Pitts. The only people smiling at the end of the outburst are the husband (cos he finds a reason to call his wife crazy when he apologizes), me (cos im thinking 'really? if i HAD to sin id choose ur husband??? u really think i would?? YOUR husband??') :D :D :D

Some of my top 3 conversations so far have been:

CONVO 1:
Mr.X: yea i already get the free service.
Me: oh great... could you give me your name so i can take you off our list?
Mr X: yea sure its Mr. Clark.
Mrs X: DANIELLLLL!!!! DONT GIVE HER YOUR NAMEEEE!!!!
Me: *tellling myself* "donot laugh... DONOT laugh"
Mr. Daniel Clark: :)
Me: :) I'm Priyanka. dont worry... im a good person ;)
Mr. Daniel Clark: i know dear. :) Have a good day.
Priyanka: you too. see ya!


CONVO 2:
Me: KNOCK KNOCK!
Mr Y: *opens door* *looks scared* yea?
Me: Hey, nothing serious... jus checking to see if u get free calls n bb.
Mr.Y: oh.. im sorry.. people at the door scare me. And dont get me wrong but you do look like Osama Bin Laden. nothing personal.
Me: :D :D strange cos when u opened the door i thought u looked like George Bush. nothing personal. *walk off*


CONVO 3:
Me: KNOCK KNOCK!
Mr. Z: *opens door* *is not wearing pants* What can i do for you luv?
Me: *maintaining eye contact* :) sorry wrong door.