Men say women can't drive... i beg to differ... women can VERY MUCH drive.. its just a few like Me who have a lil difficulty with all the buttons n the levers n the wheels n the jhig-mig blinking lights..ITS TOO MUCH PRESSURE for a beginner, especially when your damn driving instructor cant stop instructing u... i mean WHATS WITH THAT GUY??!?!?! "oooooh dont go so fast" "push the accelerator" "press the clutch" "turn right"... ah will u shut up n let me drive! sheesh if u wanna push it so much, u push it, i knw u got em too under ur stubby legs!
Breathe priyanka... breathe... good air in, bad air out.. hmmm..
Okay lemme introduce u to the characters of this lil story....*drumroll*... Lead role bagged by the one, the only..... Me! also starring.. my swift (ok not technically 'Mine') and my driving instructor "Pansitis" (hes pansy n hes infectious.. spreads his pansy-ism to the ppl in n outta the car).... ooh and the cute guy who usually drives before me..
Today the whole traffic system of Bangalore was against me... i reach the driving school at 1 pm (thats the time i drive), n me n the cute guy wait for Pansitis to come so we can vroom away.. Finally he arrives with a petrified sweaty housewife in the front n her 10 yr old daughter in the back whos face is smashed across the glass as if trying to walk through it.. Pansitis instructs me to come ahead which surprises me cos its the cute guy who usually drives first hence hes never seen my driving moves (kinda thankful for that i must say)..
Moving along.. my 3rd driving class.. so i sit in, start the car, slowly let go of the clutch, turn right into the street n begin driving... and truthfully i drive pretty well... I DO. but today i have no idea what was with the world.... Pansitis makes me enter a galli which we later realize is blocked for tarring so i have to take a U turn in the tiny lane which for a beginner is pretty tricky.. but i do it, i get it out of the lane n enter another one... Pansy says push the accelerator.. n jus then outta nowhere 3 college boys on ONE bike rush in n almost bang into me, thank god for my quick reflexes... Pansitis has arrhythmias this time..
Then as im driving further we realise thr is no gas, so he makes me drive into a bunk n fill petrol... all was well.. Im gettin out back on the street while Pansitis continues with his mantra "press the clutch, let go of the accelerator" (i knw.. uve said it a million times... if i can remember the action of every tiny muscle in ur body, i can remember THIS!!)... Im driving along this big broad not-so-empty road ("push the accelerator") we suddenly see a police truck parked about ten feet away... Pansitis says "wear ur seat belt!!!!" so as im driving i try to get the seat belt fastened.. which again for a beginner going pretty fast on a big road with police ahead.. is stressful!!!
Meanwhile Pansy chats with the cute guy sitting behind all this while about the police and the chicks workin at the petrol bunk :S.. And then he tells me how my feet never leave the accelerator... im like "hello excuse me??!?!?! let me introduce u to Long Legs... i cant LEAVE this space cos i NEED the space... jus be glad i aint pushing it" i felt like telling him... But considering i aint that good with Kannada i decided against it.... Seriously its oh-so hard to be sarcastic in Kannada without sounding like u're making a 'move'.... and i had absolutely no intentions of making any moves on Pansitis esp since hes short, dark, has a pot belly n calls me "Myaa-Dum"...
So we continue on our never ending journey to nowhere, enter another tiny galli (lotsa those where i live), and some jerks park their 2 wheelers at the strangest angles n on the opposite side f the lane is another smarty pants who decided to park his big ass maruti 800 (when the galli is THAT small, even the 800 looks relatively big ass) and as im preparing myself to dodge all of this, a Scoda drives in from the other side.....
I send my khunass-bhara vibes to Mr.God who im sure was enjoying watching "Are u Smarter than a Frustrated Beginner?"... Pansitis leans forward like its the last ball of the match n India needs 6 to win... The Scoda-man looks me in the eye with a my-cars-cooler-than-yours look.. N i give him the 'U-wanna-mess-with-the-chick-with-an-L-stuck-on-her-car?' look... I win hands down... i go swish swash n slide my car back into the safety zone.. Pansitis by then almost passes out.. Cute guy gives me a crooked smile... All is well and i finally reach my driving school again... park it.. turn the car off n get out.. Pansitis instead of sympathising with me n telling me how well i handled the bikes n the police and the scodas says i gotta stop using the accelerator so much.... I get into the back seat (cos its cute guys turn now) n mutter about how i wanna CLUTCH n BRAKE him and ACCELERATE away...
But not today... may be tomorrow.
