Me, He and Sex Education.

So im working in Barnsley right... knocking on doors... making the people of Barnsley fall in love with the Charming Me...
Half a day is gone n its been a standard one so far. Fidgeting with my map (cos i think im lost) trying to get on Queen's road or street or lane or something, i find a tiny voice go "Heya Sexy!". A little shocked i turn around to find an about-5 year old boy with an about-5 year old girl and an about-9 year old boy behind me. To make it simpler lets call them Brad, Pam and Paul respectively. So, i turn aroung to see a freckled Brad giving me a cheeky smile and Pam and Paul sniggering.

Me: Hi... you do know im old enough to be your aunt right?
Pam: hehe Paul *pointing to the taller of the 2 boys* had sex education in school today and told Brad things.
Me (thinking): oh no, i hate kids at this age! Like i haven't dodged enough kid cousins asking me awkward questions during the worst times.
Brad: i have a willy, what do you have?
Me: :O :O aaaaaaaaaaaaa... *looking at my hand* a map.
Brad: what else?
Me: a bag
Brad: what else?
Me: a pen.
Brad: Nooooooooooooo! what else? if u don't tell me i'll bother you all day.
Paul: he will...
Pam: why are u knocking on doors with a pen?
Me: *glad the topic changed* cos my knuckles were hurt doing the job during winter. Gave me scars. So i use the pen now.
Pam: can i work with you. Ill knock on doors for you.
Brad: Do you have a boyfriend??

its amazing how kids can jump from one topic of discussion to a whole different one so easily.

Me: aaaaaaaa no.
Brad: whats your name?
Me: aaaaaa Jane. (din't want them screaming my actual name and 'Willy' in the same sentence on the street now did i)
Brad: do you have a brother?
Me: yes.
Brad: is he the same colour as u?
Me: yes
Brad, Pam: ooohhhhhh..
Brad: can i be the same colour as you?
Me: no
Brad, Pam: oooohhhhh..
Brad: will u marry me?
Me: ok.
Brad: then will he be the same colour as you
Me: no
Brad, Pam: ooohhhhh....

Meanwhile i enter a house... takes me a while to get it done with. When im out i see Brad with a twig of tiny purple flowers from the side of the street. He hands it to me.

Me: awww thank you. Don't you kids have to go do homework?
Pam: no... we don't have any today.

By then a few more kids join us so there i am knocking on doors with 5 kids behind me. Was quite an icebreaker.
"hey there.. nuthin serious. Im not the Pied Piper... just wondering if u're..............."

One of the other kids: Have you come to my house??
Me: probably.
Another one: and mine??
Me: i think so.
Paul (to the new kids): dont follow us. We're helping her work. You cant work with us!

Im in house 2. when im out i see Pam with a big mark on her cheek.
Me: what happned?
Pam: she beat me. so i beat her.
Me: thats not very nice now is it.
Brad: *chucking tiny stones at me*
Me: see now i don't want to marry you anymore
Paul, Pam giggle.
Brad: you really marry me?
Me: not if u throw stones at me.
Brad: can i sit at home after we're married? school smells funny.

*cellphone buzzes* its my colleague telling me hes coming to pick me up to drive back to sheffield. Work for the day is done. time to go home.

Pam: who was that?
Me: my friend. He is coming to pick me up at the end of the street to drive me home.
Brad: is he your boyfriend?
Me: no.
Brad: can i come home with you?
Me: NO! :O
Brad: are you coming back tomorrow?
Me: May be.
Pam: can we walk with you to the next street.
Me: sure.
Brad: *snatches my book* i want to see it
Me: oh no thats my work book.
Brad: i wont do anything. i just want to draw till your friend comes. i promise!
Me: alright... just dont write anything about Willlies. My boss wouldn really like it :)
Brad: hehehe okay. you STILL haven't told me what you have?
Me: i have your purple flowers. :)

The car comes. My colleague and Brad have a man-to-man chat. The kids steal his can of coke from the car n the rest of them hang on to it so we cant drive. After about ten minutes of wrestling we manage to drive away with them racing behind the car. All the way to Sheffield we laugh about the weird things that happen on the job.

Back in the office i open my book to check my guages and this is what i find.



and thats why... i love my job.